It is hours now, I am sitting on my desk (I have a chair, btw!) trying to start a blog for a new exciting chapter of my life, a new university course: MAPP DTP (MA Professional Practice Dance Technique Pedagogy). I am typing something and after I feel “No….Let’s delete it”. The time seems to be melting away.
I am the type of person, who loves talking (…a lot!). If there would be someone to listen to me all the time, 24/7, then I would talk non-stop. So the problem to start my blog is not the missing thoughts and what I’d like to say but it’s how to organise my thoughts and which one should I start with.
My brain is in a storm, I have lots of ideas but coming and going in different directions. I write something down and then I don’t like it; I write something down and then it’s not what I want to say, ….after pressing the delete button already hundreds of times my document is still empty than my mum’s words from when I was a child suddenly are whispering into my ears and something she always told me whenever I was struggling to start something, came to my mind: “Zero to One is the hardest step of any goal”.
I hope I am not alone with this issue and I really hope next time when I am writing something here it will be easier to share my thoughts.
Last Sunday we had our first Skype conference chat with MAPP DTP. I think I was very quiet during the call. I felt a bit “confused”, maybe that is the best word to use. So much information, lots of good, sensible advice, lots of questions, to do lists, etc., etc… I tried to concentrate, it was my Birthday as well and a few friends were waiting for me in the other room. I tried to understand as much as possible and the fact that my 3G internet was not really stable didn’t help (I was in Italy recharging my batteries).
Once the conference call was over, the “confusion” turned into excitement, I couldn’t wait to get back to the UK and start some reading, start to do things but it was not so easy as I imagined…. As usual when I go away for a while, the “to do list” grows and grows, so much that is beyond believe. I ended up using every spare minute, whenever I could, reading while soaking in a bath, on the train, on the bus, at night before going to sleep. Even if I was very tired I felt I can’t stop reading…I felt I started to understand more and more… I felt I’m hungry for knowledge!
Hmmm..???? So is “Zero to One” the hardest step of any goal? – now, some people would say yes… but I am not sure anymore!
I remember how I started dancing for the very first time. I was 3 years old and my grandmother told my parents “this little girl should do some kind of sport, any activity where she becomes tired. She’s just got too much energy!”. They agreed and asked me what I liked to do: Swimming? Playing Tennis? Playing Basketball or Volleyball? All the time my answer was always “Nohhhh”. One day my grandmother saw an advert of a dance school in the local newspaper, they advertised free Kinder Surprise egg on the first dance class. At the time, in 1991, in Hungary, it was a very expensive chocolate to buy and she knew I loved it. So she asked me if I wanted to go for that first class. I said yes, of course! I went along, got my Kinder Surprise Egg, but the real surprise, even more surprising then the surprise in the Kinder egg was that I did not want to stop dancing, I refused to come out from the studio even at the end of the class. I felt in love with Dance and since that very first step a new passion had started, a burning desire, still alive and strong after 23 years and I never stopped dancing ever since.
Yes, I agree the first step was hard but was it the hardest? I don’t think so.To learn dance professionally means lots more than just fun, it’s perseverance, determination, self-discipline, will power, pain and etc. How many times did I choose to go dancing and not playing or going out with my friends instead? How many times did I go to sleep 3-4 o’clock in the morning because I had to study for the next day of my school since the previous afternoon I had been dancing until 11 o’clock at night? How many times did I miss celebrations, parties, holidays, birthdays, etc., etc., because I had an important competition or a performance or just an intensive class? Believe me, lots more times than my family ever imagined for a 3 years old, hyperactive, little girl!
Don’t misunderstand, I do not regret anything! Overcoming challenges, sacrifices and pushing boundaries beyond limitations gave me the greatest satisfactions in life. I loved every single moment, even those which did not kill me but made me stronger!
So, is taking the very first step in any goal the hardest thing to do? I think I have my answer for now but maybe you should ask me again in a few year’s time when these present moments will just be a distant memory.
I am very excited for the journey towards the MA, I think it will be challenging and inspiring. I am sure the first steps are hard but I have that feeling there will be even harder steps and let’s not even talk about movements and step combinationsJ I always say to my students to delete from their mind the sentences starting with “I can’t…”, “can’t” doesn’t exist in my dictionary!. So watch out hard steps, movements and step combinations! Suzy is coming!:))))
Suzy MAPP DTP 