How i have became addicted to think….

WOW! I cannot believe I am starting officially my third (…the last) module of my MA. To be honest I was already working on my research almost all summer long but after the first skype conference call of this this term made it so real. I am soooooooo excited, full of curiosity and at the same time scared… why scared? …. I am feeling a bit lostJ …. And also I am feeling so overwhelmed and maybe scared if I have enough time to complete my research. I know there is no such thing as complete a research as there is always more to look but still I wish to do more than my best! … my family said I should been already used to these feelings as in the last two modules I felt exactly the same!… yeah, maybe they are right but I am maximalist and I do not think I could get ever used to feel being lost and having so many questions without answers… BUT never say never!

 

If  think about how our thoughts are shaped and our way of thinking changes in such a short period makes me excited. Exactly one year ago I started my journey on this program and I have changed so much…. At the first module we had to learn how to thing backward… “what have I learnt, how and when did I learn these skills, why are these skills are so important in my profession and how do I still use theim nowadays?” I remember I did not even know how to start it… step by step… but after finishing my CV I had to start to write and continue to write and do not stop to write and… write… and write… and write! WOW! I never thought I could write so much!:) at the first module these “questing mood”, “always look behind our movements”, “this reflective lifestyle” has been awaken…. The reason why I say awaken as it was already inside of us… we have already done this things but unconsciously, but at the first module we had to learn to live this reflective lifestyle consciously. I am sure you will agree with me when I say since that moment I cannot switch this skill off and I am loving it! you see the all world from a different angle…. At the other side you need this skill for the next 2 modules of this course! I feel I cannot switch my thoughts off, it is always running in the background and the weirdest things is when the best thoughts are coming up at the most unexpected times! It makes me so excited and makes me wanting my thoughts to run all the time to understand more and more and more….

 

I have realised it is very important to keep a record of my thoughts… at the beginning I was using only my reflective diary but after a while I have realised it cannot be with me all the time. So I started to make notes in my iPad, or when I could not write I was making a voice memo not to forget my ideas, or questions or possibilities etc. at this way I could summarize my thoughts once a week and compare to the last week and the week before etc… to see the changes and developing of my thoughts made me wanting to think even more… I got addicted!

 

At the module two without my reflective lifestyle I would not been able to find my research topic. Furthermore, without my “questioning mood” I would not been able to write the proposal of my research. I had to understand at the module two not the answers are important but the questions… as the questions will most probably lead to further questions and so on… without thinking backward I would have made many more mistakes in my  proposal… (such us ethics – what would happen to the participant if I do this or that etc.; research methods – how would I carry out the best way of my research; Findings – how would I analyse my collective data)

 

Now, at the module three I am aware not the answers are important as the questions will lead me. At the other hand I need to learn in more depth to look behind the questions and the answers as well… even at cases when there is no such thing as an answer!… and that is exactly which scares me to learn to see the world in this way! For me answers were always important in my all life… I was constantly looking for answers! Exactly a year ago I started my questing and reflective lifestyle and now, I need to forget about the answers I should concentrate on my questions. I believe as the reflective lifestyle became part of my everyday life the questioning lifestyle will become part of it too. Maybe it will result the same that I will not be able to switch it off and I will become addicted to it as it happened with the reflective lifestyle. 🙂

 

What do you think? Is it only me or you feeling similar things?